theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
