Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
