he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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