I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
