Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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