Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
