Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
