just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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