They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
