just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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