Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
