I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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