My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just pynch a tree in the face
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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