ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
