you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
