My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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