I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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