she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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