you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
