Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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