I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
