He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
