he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
