it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
