guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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