I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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