I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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