god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
