im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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