Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
