i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
