Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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