Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
