I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize