Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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