She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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