When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
