just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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