If i come over, it means nothing
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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