Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
