cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So vagazzling was a success
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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