The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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