i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
