dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
