I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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