The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
