shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
