Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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