Your mouth is God's brothel.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
