just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
