haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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