You smell like a Billy Joel song
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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