Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
