my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
