you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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