my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
