He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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