Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
