i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
