The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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