just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize