remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
