She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
