I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
