Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
