apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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