just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just had sex on a roof
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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