paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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