Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
