Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
