there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
