you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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