I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
