R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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