Duck Duck Cougar?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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