the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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